Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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