Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
COCAINE IS GR8
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
