he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
