My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
