Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
