I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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