rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
