Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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