you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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