I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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