Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
