Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
