I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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