Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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