I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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