I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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