I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
