i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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