Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
