I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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