dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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