the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your cock deserves a montage
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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