Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize