She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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