so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
