We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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