Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
