If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize