We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
