I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
