Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
