I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
