We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
