I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
