I just saw a hot homeless man
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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