i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
