How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
