Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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