All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
as a side note pls kill me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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