she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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