I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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