Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
