I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
