I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
