Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
a search helicopter?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
