if i can run in heels then i can drive
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
