cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
