I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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