At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
