It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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