the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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