dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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