i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Let's get the cat blown out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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