we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
