I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
