i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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