my soul wont recognize me after tonight
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
