and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
