My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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