you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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