It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
