if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
