I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
