We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
