Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize