So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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