Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
do nipples grow back?
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