There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
