i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
