do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
