pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
