on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
