just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
