i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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